ventin' . just a lil' .

finally got drake's album yesterdayyy . iFeel like a bad fan cuz iBought the shit 2 days lateee. *sighh* it's 2:00 A.M. & im hurting . iFeel empty . shit hasn't even been the same . im tired and irritable all the time . iCry myself to sleep every night . iWorry extra . iPretend im ok just so iWon't have to explain to anyone what's wronggg. and things with __________ ? ughh . iFeel distant frm him more than ever . "ill call yuu back " that's what he tells me and im actually dumb enuff to believe it so iWait up for him, hoping he'd call . this is like A.B. all over again . my hearts breaking . yesterday wuz an excellent day today too iDon't know how today got so shitty . seems like ive been having a lotta shitty days lately . SMH .

Thank Me Later .

[Above: baby drake chillen by the pool =]
"But iWas curious, & i'll never forget it baby..what an experience . Yuu coulda been the one but it wasn't that serious. There was smoke in the air before now it's me clearing it . that felt good, all and all iLearned a lesson frm it tho, yuu never see it coming yuu just get to see it go." FUCKN' GENIUS . thank me later officially drops today.. boy, iBeen waitin' for this day for a hot minuteee .

today kinda suckssss. this week has actually. me and my mom got into an altercation sunday and this week has gone downhill from there. it makes me realize more and more that iNeed to grow up and stop bullshittin' . my GPA score sucks. it Still got me heartbroken. it went from a 3.2 to a 2.8 reallll fast just from that "D" in english . FMLLLLLLL. iTalked to shamel last night . *sighhh* things are not the way they use to be . how come when everyone needs me, im there and iKnow what to say to make them feel better but when im goin thru some shit, ppl just be like "wtfff. why are yu not yur happy usual self?"....that goes to show yuu, yu didn't know me well to began with . yuu didn't even remember my fuckn' birthday when iAsked Yuu . iDon't feel like im worth shit to anyone anymore . everyone just walks all over me and use me to talk about THIER problems but when it comes to helpin' me out...pshhh the only friend iCan depend on is nadiyaaaa iSwearrr. everybody else, fuck em' .

iGot a Certain Lust For Life ♥

7:05 P.M. iCan feel the tears coming but iAin't dare lettin' em gooo. im too strong for this shitttt. yur guessin' today sucked..well yuu guessed right. a 64 on my math test was not exactly a good way to start the day off. aogaohga; iNeed to pull it together. where is my nadiya boo when iNeed her? =/ me & ________. let's jusss say iFeel like ima end up alone. nothing new right? she's so pretty and in closer distanceeee. she probably hasn't done anything to piss him off like iHave. she's skinner than iAm. doesn't have an overbite when she smiles =/ longgg pretty hair. shittt she's not even frm the united states. how can iCompete with something like that =/ ? yeahhhh ppl tell me im pretty and beautiful and all that but only _________'s opinion matters to me. iFeel so empty, worthless, and worst of all, that iNever measure up =/ im like a pair of louboutin heels with scuff marks on them. im worth a lot yettt iStill have flaws. sasha has been my emotional support these past 2 days iSwearrr. ahahoeidhgoahg; iJuss need to hear his voice. iNeed him to make me laugh. say something stupid so iCan forget about my insecurities and be able to smile again. most of all iNeed someone to tell me im beautiful, not cute...sexy...hot..fine...but beautiful =/

"the girl or the world, Yuu see someone gotta lose, iThought iCould have it all. Do iReally gotta choose? what good is all the cash if it doesn't buy time? and what good is being famous--if im never on yur mind. Nights Fallen, Lights Glowin and im juss tryna pay the price owing &&& iDon't wanna feel the comfort from my ice showing and iAin't tryna be without yuu at the right moments. Nigga nice Goin...is it worth it? that decision cuz hearts breakin'..iAin't tryna be in that collison."--Drake, Sooner Than Later, So Far Gone.

11:37 monday. it wuz jusss as shitty as iExpected it to be. my self-esteem is officially low right now. im juss not feelin' it todayyyyyy iSwearrrrrrrrr. im so stressed. =/ im so sensitive todayyy too. the littlest shittt got to me. oagoarogredoirhgioehdogh; and the teacher gave me a new project in art. my mind wuz on blank so iCame up with some bullshit idea that she liked but iDidn't. the theme is fire. but don't take it literally chelsea. THE FUCK YUU MEAN ?! and iStilll haven't done shit towards my research paper and that shittt is due april 13. iNeed to pull it togetherrrr. at least im on the right track in my other classes. im a little worried about that 73 iHave in public speaking tho. why do iWorryso much and expect the worseeeee??!grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. iNeed a cocktail, && some of my dad's kushhhhhh lol jk. say a prayer for me babes, S.T.R.E.S.S. be takin' a toll on me.

sometimes iFeel like.....

1:27 P.M. ending it.

& The Most Annoyin' Muthafucka Award Goes To...

@2Gz_chinamaN....this is the most annoying bitchhh yuu will ever having a texting convo withhhh. smhhhh. within 10 minutes, he wuz tryna see some of the goods. smfhhhh. iTold his ass iGot a boyfriend and STILL the mutherfucker persisteddd. k' im done rantin' and ravin' for now. but cheaa' iTexted my boo, and he ain't hit me back ;( im lonely and frustrated and iMiss him soooo muchhhh. this spring break has not been my cup of tea, iSwearrrr. =/ but ima try to keeepp my head up and make the best of it....nite Yall.
Soundtrack:
Drake-Shut it down
Drake-Over
Kanye West-Love Lockdown
Cassie-Sumtimes

Empty.

"Another 20 Missed calls...iLove her and iHate her..it's a funny
twist yall. Can't stand her when she in town, but Miss her when
she gone, truth be told, iRather be with her than alone."

6:24 P.M. im not feelin' it todayyy. what the fuck is wronggg with me?--. This feeling that something is wronggggg keeps eatin' away at me. iWishh it wud go awayy. this is the second day of my spring break vacation, and it's not going well. iFeel distant. iWishhh iCud pack all my clothes and go see _____________ & ____________.

FuckMyLife.

8:19 P.M. today feels like mondayyyyy. ughhhhhh. today wuz so frustrating. im boiling right now. first off, iGot a 64/D in my english class ;( <-WTF. that's sum bullshittt iSwearrrrr. A Tad bit of Good news, iGot A's in my CCDM 114 and art II class. iJuss talked with my mom and sounds like she won't let me get my phone anytime soon. FMLLLLLLL. she acts like im laid up pregnant somewhere. this is a bunchhhhh of fuckery. my phone situation is sooo ghetto right now.it's not the moneyyy but it's the time i'll spend on the phone that's buggin' her. ahhhhhhhhhhh =/ it's so frustrating that all that $$ iHave in the bank account, yeettt iCan't spend it on my cell. wtf. Does she have to be a _________? me &________are greatttt. iMiss him right now ;( this long distance shit really gets to me sometimes ;(

_____________missen in my life is kinda messin' with me =/

FMLLLLLL.

FUCK. MY. LIFE. iJuss woke up frm a good rest cuz my vag is bleedin. ugh. im soooo mad right now. iHad to get up and change sheets n' shit. iALso have art class today and it's been hella dry lately. my grades have gotten better but im not even sure what iHave in my public speaking class and my art class. iHave a "C" in englishhh and it's killen me. that shit should be an "A". =/ Note to self: Don't try to be perfect and chill the Fck' Out. things with shammy are going ok. iJuss wish the trust wuz there. =/ and iFeel like some shit is gonna go down..realllllll soon. paranoid muchh? -__-